First day.

Another first day. After I’ve failed miserably a few years back…I am giving it another go. We had a puppy called Matt, for only 3 days. After lots of hard thinking, realising that I have no-one to count on (even though we’ve agreed on it before ), had to admit it to myself that I cannot do it and the best thing to do is to return him to his owner.

I am not proud of it, feel horrible about it, but I still think that was the best decision at that point of my life. Has been haunting me for a long time, and I just knew that the right time will come.

This time there is no question about making it. Making it as a dog owner. This time he is for good.

Been waiting for this day for a while. Driving there I was so nervous, my palms were sweating, pulse rate in the sky. He was already waiting for us. Felt bad for the owner to have to say goodbye to him. Sat totally peacefully in the car between father and son, resting his head on his thigh. Son complained about it, till I pointed out that his bony little legs might not be so comfortable for Matt.

Had it all planned out. His luxurious, padded cage waiting for his royal highness, me sleeping next to him at night in case he is missing his family.

Day went by fast. Mostly spent it on all fours cleaning up pee, poo, sanitising, wiping, and once finished, starting it all over again.
He loves his food though, licked even the surroundings clean.

Happy little fella running around with his new favourite toy, discovering another puppy (himself) in the wardrobe mirror. Fantastic video, would be popular on YouTube I guess.

First night, sleepless night. The bottom of the cage rattled at every movement of him, perhaps not the best choice. Morning came fast. The last time I felt this tired was when I had my son. …

Fortified with coffee, standing outside hoping he will pee, felt something stirring deep inside, that achy, wonderful, familiar feeling , hm……must be love…the unconditional type. The one you  have for your child.

So birds are singing, otherwise total silence. Too early for humans. Just the two of us.

Matt stops , looks at me with those adorable, trusting eyes, ….Gosh, he trusts me, already. Without having to prove my competence to him, without any qualifications, he just trusts me., blindly.

And I must learn to trust my instincts and let go of my fears, worries …and experience all those feelings in between.

This is gonna be great!