I’ve got feelings, emotions again. The last 2 weeks felt like as if someone took all the colours away, everything was just bland and grey. Luckily it all started to come back. Not quite there yet, but improving. Still a bit slow, lacking the enthusiasm I normally have, don’t even have the energy to achieve much during the day. Take one step at a time. Maybe I will speed up a bit by next week and take 2 steps at a time.

Take my son to school and back, to tennis and back. Been food shopping for the weekend, after all it is going to be Easter.

The Bunny is bringing some chocolate eggs and some books for M. Even if he is 9 years old, we should still have an  easter egg hunt as usual.  Plan  to prepare our traditional easter ham and boiled eggs, potato salad and carrot cake decorated with colourful candy eggs. As it should be. Even if I am not in the mood for it.

But, hey, maybe it will be great. You never know. Hoping for great weather , so I can work in the garden, go for walks with M. No hikes yet, but my forest should heal my mind, body and soul.

I am still kind of broken. “ Fragile, handle with care “ should be printed on my forehead, so people will not feel insulted if I am not my usual chatty self ( wait a minute, have I ever been like that?) , if instead of stopping to talk I quickly exit the school and hurry back to my car.

Can’t wait to get home. Our home in the city. It feels safe. 75 sqm of safe haven. Where I can be happy or sad, cry if I have to , laugh if I want to.

Do cry a lot. For all those people who died in Belgium. For the innocent kids in Syria who have nothing to eat. For those 2 babies who came too early and are struggling for their lives. Cry because my son doesn’t let me hug him anymore in public. Cry because I don’t think I will ever hold a baby in my arms  ( my own),  cry for  all the things I was too coward too say or do.

But life goes on. You must go on. I wowed to appreciate each moment I’ve got on this planet. Starting now.
I want my colours back. All of them!