When did I start to feel old?

Yesterday while working in the garden, pulling out the weeds from the flowerbeds that haven’t been touched since our return in August from Madeira, had plenty of time to think.
This question kept popping in and out of my mind lately, wondering about it as I moaned every single time I had to straighten my body after bending down for a while.

Is there a specific moment in my life I can pinpoint? A date, a time? I am thinking, real hard. Nothing. Could it be the first time I’ve spotted my first grey hair? Nope. It happened when I was barely over 18. Must be my genes, inherited this from my Dad.
Could it be when some high school kids stopped saying the casual Hello to me and decided to go with the more formal greeting?
Don’t think so.
Could it be the time I went for genetic testing while pregnant, because back then I belonged to the high risk group of women over 35? No.

Actually it slowly crept on me, inch by inch, day by day.
Time flies, days, weeks, months flew by without me even noticing.
Somehow between my morning coffee and evening tea there is barely any time left .
By the end of October I haven’t even managed to do my spring cleaning.
The Xmas decoration is still on in our log cabin. As a matter of fact yesterday was the day when the easter bunnies and eggs disappeared finally in the bottom of my wardrobe in favour of our autumn decoration.

Had plans of giving our house a good scrub, cleaning the logs,the deck, haven’t had the chance.
Us spending all our breaks abroad doesn’t help. Seems someone pressed the fast forward button on my life. Running as fast as I can, but still cannot catch up.

So, when you don’t stop to smell the roses, when you don’t take time out for yourself, when you always think that just one more chore needs to be done before you can relax… now, that is when you start to age.

Gone are the days when I started the days with yoga , a few rounds of Sun Salutations. No more evenings ending with some jogging or cycling on the reclining bike I got A for his birthday long time ago.
Your body starts sending signals, at first subtle ones, then more and more urgent ones, cries for help.
In my case knee pain that gets more and more severe, yet I refuse to give in to surgery.
My right shoulder is getting stiffer each day, having a hard time handing a water bottle to my child sitting in the back of the car.
This is so ridiculous , never thought that this will happen to me so soon. Old people talk about their ailments on the phone with each other. Old, I mean really old.
I am not. Really.

And I still haven’t mentioned gravity. Gravity is not the best friend of us. Not very kind. More like an enemy. An enemy you can try to fight with cream, plastic surgery, exercise…but in the end you loose. That is the kind of game we are in.
Looking around it is almost impossible to find a woman who hasn’t had something done on her, breasts, lips, liposuction, tummy lift, name it, they had it.

I am proud to belong to the other group who’s still has the original parts. I toy with the idea of having a few things fixed, yet I haven’t been able to convince myself so far. Maybe I am just a coward.

From a spiritual point of view my body is just a shell, protecting my fragile soul from the cruel environment.
Beauty is within.

Yet why do you see man in their 50’s having 20 years old girlfriends? Don’t they see the beauty within ? Don’t they desire their wives anymore? Can’t  they look past the not so tight tummy (by the way she had your kids ),the wrinkles on her forehead caused by worrying about you when going on a business trip?

Can you still find the love in her eyes that lost their sparkle after all those broken nights?
Can you still see the girl she used to be?

And then, maybe then she will start feeling young again. Feeling young means you become active again. Whether you choose to climb a mountain or just complete your next TRX lesson, you are rewarded by a wonderful hormone called endorphin.

Need some. I’ve got a whole bar of chocolate next to me. Hmm…, maybe I’ve got other options.