Time flies. Again. Still. That’s how I feel. Each day I start with a  long list to do things, just like anyone else.  At the end of the day my list is not finished, lots of chores are left undone. I don’t know how you guys do it, but I seem to be running out of time. No way a day is 24 hours, definetaly not more than 16 top.  One night I came to the conclusion that if I skipped sleeping altogether, I might just be able to catch up with  everything let’s say in about a month’s time.

Must say, I don’t work if work means working in an office or at a company. Not even self employed, though renting out properties  certainly does involve work.

I am a full time mum, driver, teacher, chef, cleaner, gardener, handy man and everything else, who’s real passion is gardening, writing and some other activities that so far hasn’t earned me a dime, but love them nevertheless. I am grateful for  not having to do something I hate , just for the sake of earning money, for being able to look after my son , driving him to school, to tennis, then home without having to worry about day to day living. I am on a tight rope, balancing, hoping that nothing will  upset this balance. Someone told me a couple of days ago that I am fortunate to be able to fulfill my dreams. He is right.  I am.

But your dreams do change. What was your dream a year ago, might not be now, what you thought was possible, cannot be done after all. My sis thinks I am naiv, probably my ex husband would agree with it. I just hope for the best, and sometimes  things turn out differently. Not exactly how I envisioned it, but that’s life. Cannot go through with it without being knocked down a few times.  You just have to get up and go, even if it hurts…never give up.

Life is so beautiful, we should all be grateful for the things we have. On my way down each morning  I  “must” come up with 10 things I am grateful at that moment. Not that hard. The rays of sunshine coming through the trees, the foggy morning, my son having his second breakfast in the back of the car, Ellie Goulding  singing “Love me like you do” on the radio, inhaling the scent of the forest through the windows, seeing that the apple orchards are open again….endless. Especially when I think of all those families, young boys, men, children and women who had to flee their homes, who have nothing but the clothes on their backs and their much criticized phones sometimes. Imagine, what do you say to your child when you make the decision to flee, how do you calm her down when she cries, how can you assure her that everything is going to be all right?

I do my best to avoid politics, not here to criticize people, politicians or governments. There are plenty of people who do that. There is that old saying ” Walk a mile in his shoes before you judge him” . Just remember it. It wasn’t that long ago when many of us left Hungary in 1956, or later on for wanting to have a better future, to give a better life to our children.  They want the same!!

On a happier note, we had, have some birthdays to celebrate. First it was mine, yesterday was mum’s and  on  11th  it will be my sister’s.  Up until we had our old house ( we used to live in the same district, not far from each other) we always had a pool party to celebrate it. It was  also the ending of summer, last chance to fool around in the water before the cold nights made it too expensive to keep it heated.

I miss those years. Since I’ve left, these birthdays are not the same.  Maybe they were always like this, I was just too busy to notice. We are a small family,  only two of us girls and mum. Our dad died long ago.  So on these special days we cooked, baked, swam with the kids, played cards, talked, laughed.  It was fun. As the years progressed, our mum stayed there less and less, asking her ” boyfriend” to take her home pretty much right after the meal. We reached that stage by now that when I asked her to come to us this weekend ( my sis was going to drive up with the kids) to celebrate, she told me that she doesn’t feel like it. To be fair, she had a knee operation 2 weeks ago,  but  that still doesn’t justify her behavior.  So for the first time in my life I did not buy anything for her. Maybe she will understand how hurtful she can be sometimes. Or not.

Despite of this we had a great time , cousins  playing together, little Szofi  ( sis’ smaller daughter) glued to Mish’s side the whole time. Happy children, happy moments to be remembered. I am collecting memories. Memories to be cherished, treasured, to be stored in secret, hidden places of your heart , sharing it only with the ones you love.

Off to a new place soon. Property hunt is on. Again…..